I knew I wanted to be a Mom based on three things (before I was a mom, obviously)
1. I love kids 2. The concept of pregnancy was absolutely amazing to me 3. I thrive in the midst of chaos
I wish someone had prepared me more. But, apparently that's not how it works. They just throw you in the trenches to learn on your own because you LITERALLY wouldn't believe them if they told you the truth. I'm almost three years into it (#rookie, I know), but a LOT of my friends are just starting. So, this one's for you.
+ It didn't matter if I liked wine (or even alcohol...), I wouldn't get through some days without it.
+ mom powers are real. when the last thing you hear is your baby's heart rate in the 50s, you move your body from a bed to an OR table with a fully functioning non-mobile epidural. and you have no idea how.
+ Target laps are crucial in the first year (especially when you're HORRIBLY isolated with high order multiples). Pack up two feeds worth of milk, put two in the stroller, one in a carrier, get that buckies, and just start walking--with absolutely no purpose, but to just see other humans and the light of day outside that nursery that has trapped you. #momtherapy #avoideyecontact #callyourmom
+ You've never known stress or swamp ass until you're trapped in a bathroom stall without a stroller or a carrier or a place to put your baby with three toddlers who arent listening and touching #ALLTHETHINGS and you have to figure out where to put the baby so you can hold each toddler one-at-a-time over the toilet while they're all YELLING about how much they have to pee. so, you put the baby in the sink. #notaproudmoment
+ kids gain smarts WAY faster than you expect them to.
+ even as a nurse, you'll be scared shitless the first time your kid falls down the steps and ends with the biggest lump ever, and you WILL go to the ER.
+ Moms and Dads have fairgame to potty candy. but remember what's stated above--kids get real smart, real fast. watch out for that 2-year-old calling you out to SEE THAT PEE-PEE after you stick your hand in that jar. #eatinsecret
+ On that note, you'll learn to never actually SHOW your kids that you're eating. or you won't be soon enough.
+ I wouldn't care AT ALL that I spend more money on tiny little clothes than I do on a 401k.
+ continually throughout EVERY SINGLE DAY you would have impulse urges to shake, kiss, run away from, scream at, hug, cuddle with, and laugh at your children --all within MINUTES of each other. and no matter how terrible the day was, when they're sleeping you have even STRONGER urges to just go up and scoop them up to cuddle because SOMEHOW you miss them.
+ you'd have to tell them CONSTANTLY to stop touching their own and each other's genitals.
+ no matter your parenting philosophy, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse would save your life one day. YOU JUST WAIT. #toldyouso #mishkamoushka (WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!)
+ It's completely unavoidable to have dried waffles smashed in your car floor boards. no matter HOW MUCH you used to clean your car before kids, no matter HOW MUCH you clean it now, it happens.
+ that sudden urge to run far away is IMMEDIATELY challenged by the sudden urge to procreate. #allthebabies
+ You've never relied so heavily on drive-thrus and full tanks of gas before in your LIFE than you have when you have three babies asleep for what you KNOW will be their only nap that day.
+Bandaids are a toddler's version of your caffeine. they fix EVERYTHING. (and if you don't drink caffeine I don't trust you one. single. bit.)
these children test my limits and motherhood is NOTHING and EVERYTHING I thought it would be.