In the last 4 months everyone has asked me constantly about the babies. "How are they?" "Do they sleep?" "Do they eat well?" "How do you do it with three?"
Rarely do I get questions about me. If I do its usually directed at how much sleep I'm getting, or as they assume, not getting.
Why is it that moms are somewhat forgotten about after having a baby? or three. Just 4 months ago I brought three human little baby lives into the world and this is what it means to me.
-It means sleeping in a chair for a few months until you're comfortable that the grunts you hear from them does NOT mean they are choking and dying. -It means eating in shifts, sleeping in shifts, using the bathroom in shifts, and potentially having random people grocery shop for you. in shifts. -It means never being well. ever. Never being able to build my own immune system. aka- Having mastitis three times, the stomach bug twice, two infected hair follicles on my leg, bruises that haven't gone away from delivery, and an infected nail bed. -It means pumping, for forever and ever and ever. not an end in sight. feeding babies while pumping, rocking babies to sleep while pumping, eating-pumping, sleeping-pumping. Too many times have I fallen asleep pumping and woken up swimming in my own breastmilk. -It means planning my life in 4hour shifts. Knowing that three little humans will be very, very angry if I am not in a place to stop everything I'm doing to feed them at EXACTLY 4hours from their last meal. How are their little bodies so good at timing things already?! HOW DO THEY KNOW?! -It apparently means that I am supposed to be an expert at everything baby. and by all means I AM NOT. What is better, Huggies or Pampers? Enfamil, Gerber, or Similac? Swings or Rock-N-Plays? Can they nap in a boppy? Are they supposed to sleep this much during the day? Is that a hernia? OMG THEY HAVEN'T POOPED IN 5 DAYS MY BABY IS DYING. oh wait....theres the poop...up the back of their onesie. -It means poking my squishy, stretchy belly skin and trying to count out how many stretch marks I have...and losing count eventually. -It means crying. all the time. Starbuck got my order wrong, I cry. My husband asks me if I took the trash out on trash day and I forgot, I cry. The dog barks, I cry. I am 30mins late for my pumping time, I cry. I see a Subaru commercial, I cry. I spill milk, I cry. Babies cry, I cry. -It means hair falling out. In clumps. SO MUCH HAIR, EVERYWHERE. How do I still have enough to put up in a ponytail anymore? This is gross.
It means keeping three little humans ALIVE with what I produce with MY BODY. It means having so much love that I feel like I'm going to explode. Love for these little creatures that cannot even express love in return... yet. It means coming home from being at work or running an errand and wanting to figure out a way to hold all three and never let go. because they are my entire world.
I cannot remember what it felt like not to love them. I cannot remember what it felt like to have my body to myself.
I don't want to remember.
Oh, so that's why no one asks me about me (except for maybe my ob/gyn😷😋). It's not about me anymore.
It means hanging onto every little smile, laugh, coo and doing the same stupid thing over and over and over for hours to hear that little noise just one more time.
Motherhood means being completely selfless. Giving everything you have. Now I know what it's like to be a superhero. It's that simple, right? Nope. There's nothing simple about it. To me, motherhood is messy, painful, tiring, rude, hungry, thirsty, upsetting, fulfilling, exhausting, exhausting, exhausting, and completely worth it every second of every single day.
Motherhood slaps me in the face every day and wakes me up, yet I still feel like I'm living a dream. The best dream there ever possibly could be. I say the words Son and Daughter and still get shivers. I HAVE THOSE. What?
I'm taught a new struggle of motherhood everyday. I also experience more joy in one day than I ever thought possible.
Next time you see a new Mom, let her know she's doing it right. Because you cannot hear that enough when it's your first (or 20th) time raising a new little baby human life.
Moms, You're doing it right. and you're amazing at it.
This post is dedicated to amazing friend and new mom, Adriana. Archer is so lucky to have you. <3